i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
