Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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