omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
