You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
