I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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