Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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