Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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