I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
