i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
