i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
