Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
