My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i was born a porn star she said
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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