DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
