is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
