he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When are your genitals available?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
