I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she pinky promised me she was 18
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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