I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
