I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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