it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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