I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
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I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
