You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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