It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
