dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
