i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
