yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
