This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
