32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
