he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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