Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
