I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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