Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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