Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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