why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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