So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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