He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize