Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
