I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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