I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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