when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
