Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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