u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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