We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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