So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
