I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
