I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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