in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
sex in a hospital.. check
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
