she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
