part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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