my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
How external is "for external use only"?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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