Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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