forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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