My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
