My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
