we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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