If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
