Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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