Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
This toilet bowl is my home.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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