I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
well most of my day revolves around power hour
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
