Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
