so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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