I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
