just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
