U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
