i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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