guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
