somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
