Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
