Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
