Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
