does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
