The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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