So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
