420 ftw
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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