just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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