i would punch a child for taco bell
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
